It has been such a long minute since I have written anything on this blog and I am sad about that. I think I missed the moments to remember the feelings I was having and the lessons I have learned, but more than anything I think my brain needs to let thoughts out sometimes. No scratch that, my heart needs to let things out. My brain seems to process them okay but my heart sometimes gets a little encumbered with all the things it feels. But my heart doesn't feel as heavy anymore. I have made some some little jumps ahead and perhaps the urgency to write it out has waned just a bit. And the reason is that I have been busy. I have been racked with school work, I have been having fun with my family, going out with girlfriends, crying with girlfriends, laughing and laughing some more with friends and even squeezing in a date or two.
   My world is so filled with beautiful people and the overwhelming majority of them are women. Utah seems to have a monopoly on them. I see them everywhere I go. They are at the school picking up their kids or teaching others. At church, teaching a lesson or reaching out a helping hand and giving me hugs. And in the text message I get from a friend, thousands of miles away, at just the right time reminding me that I am doing something amazing. They are in my home and in my family and all I have to do is turn around to find someone who amazes with their absolute drop dead gorgeous beauty. And I'm not talking about the "glitterbums" which is what my sister and I call the drones here who all wear the same jeans, have eyelash extensions that curve to the back of their head, and who seem to do nothing more than follow their crowd of friends from one fad to the next. I mean the real women. An aerobics teacher told us that she used to tell her classes to go until they couldn't do anymore. Push yourselves as far as you can, then she realized that these women would literally kill themselves before they felt they would stop! They were beyond tough, they had nothing inside that would tell them to slow down, they would not stop unless they were told to because they refused to give up. The women I know don't give up. They have been through things in life that would kill someone and yet they keep going. And they do it with energy, and joy and happiness. They are smart and funny and so wonderful to be around that it is addicting. It is so intoxicating and I am constantly amazed at how strong they are in handling the challenges they have been handed in their lives.
   I recently sat across from a guy, very nice, who was attempting to explain some changes he had recently made in his approach to dating. He knew some of my background, not all of it, and he was sincerely trying to express what he felt had been a positive step in being more open-minded. But I just smiled, as all I heard him say was he was now at a place where he was okay with dating someone in my kind of a situation. Anyone who has been on the receiving end of my sharp tongue knows how white hot I was seething inside. For someone to think that they are offering me benevolence in my life by agreeing to even get to know me because I have children in my life and some scars on my heart, is in Southern terms "cock-a-mammy crazy." I thought how sad for all that he doesn't even know he was missing. He wanted someone more sparkly, someone that he felt was new, maybe a few more starts in their eyes. I get that. Everybody is entitled to what they feel they need in their life. Most people that walk through the pound want a new puppy, they are dang cute to look at, but who knows what you are going to get with it after you get home. My friends laughed when I compared us to the old dogs at the humane society but I did tell this certain guy what I felt, how I see the beauty in these women who have lived a little more life. I am so infatuated with the things they know and the brilliant lessons they teach me. They may not be as enthusiastic as someone who hasn't experienced as much but they know who they are, they know where they stand because they have had to withstand the storm. They appreciate all the good things because they know how it is to be without. I don't know how anyone can't see the diamond, but maybe it is because they don't always have to show it to know their worth. They may not desperately need the man in their life, but that only means that if you are there it is because they want you to be. Their lives are so much richer and so much more beautiful to me because they have created it that way, they have worked for it, they have earned it when they would have had every excuse to just give up. There are also wonderful people who are young, who may not have had to endure some of the trials that might await them. I love the young women in my life, they are pure and happy and they also help me remember how it feels to be optimistic and not weighed down with life, for it is meant to be lived happily. But the beauty that I strive for is not something that is found on the outside, it comes from a clear view of who you are, where you came from and what you are capable of when you turn your life to Christ and find your peace through this craziness we live in Him. Women are special to the Lord, and I know more of that now, as I have felt His sorrow for what they have to endure. And I have felt his strength and pride when they do it well. Women are sacred and they should always be treated as such, their power is so much more infinite they often realize. I love the women in my life. I love the joy they give to me. I love their examples and their humor and I love the special beauty that I so profoundly see in them each day. My quote in my bedroom says "Good Women: May we know them, may be them, may we raise them." I definitely know them, I have begun to raise a few, and because I am allowed to walk among them I am slowly beginning to take part and become one.