once in awhile someone will ask about something, or a memory will come back and I have to stop and think about last January. Sometimes we even talk about the miracle it was that we made it to Utah in one piece, sometimes we laugh about it and think did that really happen? I checked B out of school early one day. The secretary at the school asked me if I was okay. I had explained a little bit over the phone and when she saw my face she wanted to make sure I wasn't in danger. To be honest I wasn't sure. I was terrified, I had a lock box filled with some papers in the car and a bag of a few essentials. B's teacher walked her to the office, she was hoping to get a peek at the new baby and my heart broke when I saw her. I couldn't tell her that we were leaving, I couldn't stand the thought of taking B out of her class, it was such a wonderful place, full of kids who loved it and I just couldn't bring myself to say it out loud. We went to McDonalds for lunch and I told him that I didn't want him to be at the house while we packed things up. I was scared that we wouldn't be safe in the house but I needed some time to get a few things together. My mom and I thought we would have to have the house packed before we left so we tried to get a truck, find boxes and figure out how we could even do it all. I sold furniture, packed and we tried to take care of a 2 week old. He wanted to meet with the bishop so we did. It was something we had done so many times before and I was honest when I told both of them I was done. I could not do this again, I was too tired of it. I don't think he knew what he was coming up against as he met with us that night but I will always be grateful for his words of support and wisdom. I had never experienced that before but I knew the bishop was given the grace to see my soul that night, he understood what I was saying and also many things that I didn't say. I am grateful for good men who allow God to work though them in order to bless my life. I called a friend on the way home and told her what was going on, her husband was at the house within an hour and also offered some more inspired words of kindness and comfort. The next few days were a whirlwind of all the things we had to get done. K's dad had offered to bring the moving truck so we didn't have to. It was a relief to not have to do that but I didn't realize that meant he would take the truck to his house first and unload everything he wanted or could sell. I am always amazed at how much work my mom can do, she accomplishes more in an hour than most do in a day and she worked tirelessly. My mind was such a fog and she was a superhero in helping with absolutely every little thing I needed. I had started to say good-bye to some people, it was so difficult that I didn't have the energy for it all. I had to return a baby swing to someone. I thought I was composed but her daughter caught what I was saying and asked if my girls were leaving too. It such a horribly wrenching moment and I lost it again. These people had been so good to me and I hated to think I was just leaving. But that last night I had two girls come visit. They helped me pack up my closet and made me laugh while I put the last few pieces of my life into boxes. These were girls who knew many of the things I had felt that year in Kentucky and they had been so good to me through it all. I needed to see them and I needed to have a few last minutes. It was a surprisingly happy few hours and I still find myself wishing I could be around them again. They told me I looked good, I seemed lighter and they loved on the new baby they had all been so excited to see. The next morning we were up early anxious to be done, my mom packed the van in the freezing cold as the sun came up and we drove out of Lexington. No fanfare, no drama. Just a right turn and the highway and we were on our way in our loaded little minivan.