"the pursuit of happiness,,," We were all promised that we would at least be allowed the chance at finding happiness yet that chance seems to be the easy part, it is actually knowing it when we find it that can be tricky. Is happiness a condition, a frame of reference or only a destination that seems to always be just around the corner? I think I am a happy person, I have definitely lived a happy life yet I am also not a very content person. I am always thinking about what is next, when we would go on vacation my thoughts would always focus on, "We have already been here a day, we only have 6 left, 5 left, 4 etc..." I was always thinking about the next step and forget to live in my moment now. My happiness was often static and even fleeting because I knew the weekend would end and I would face another Monday morning. Divorce can often feel like one big unhappy moment, the happiness always seems tainted as if it is never as whole as it could be, like sunshine peeking through a dirty window. I know it's there, but sometimes I think I will never be able to fully experience it again. I've been told it will get better, and I truly believe that. Someone said there will come a day when you just realize you are actually ok. Or even a day where you just don't think about it, and you realize this horrible time won't affect everything forever. For now I am happy with the moments when they come, because I am blessed with so many good ones each day, I just have to see them. The sun was always shining, but I am finally able to see it again. I read that oftentimes the Lord is just waiting to bless us with something wonderful and more than we could ever hope for we just have to ask Him. Joseph Smith sat down to a simple meal and prayed, "Lord, we thank thee for this Johnny cake, and ask Thee to send us something better. Amen." Before the meal was over a man had come to the door with flour and a ham! The prophet Jospeh knew he could have more, and he had the faith to ask for it. Something better, that is a comforting thought to me as I realize that it is there, it will come. For now it is enough to just know that total happiness is a possibilty. It was like I was walking on a beautiful trail, but I had my head down focused on the dirt that lay just under my feet. When I asked for more the Lord simply reminded me to look up. He wasn't able to move me from the path I was on, for there are always consequences that he can't remove and sometimes He simply needs more time to change our direction, but He did show me all that He has already blessed me with, showed me that the sun is shining on me, the view is great, and I am blessed with the ability to keep walking towards all that He has yet in store. My happiness is not a destination, it is a journey, given to me piece by piece and earned along every step of the way. I am grateful for each little bit that I have, for I have experienced life with out it. I know even though I am not in the situation I would picked for myself or my family these experiences will not be wasted, they are for our good, and compensation has been promised, even if that is only a reminder to look around and see all that we have already been given. My happiness is there for me, I just have to be willing to take it. Wash the window, and let His sunshine pour in!